Random doodle, because I didn't draw today yet.

I’m late to the 2012 Goal stuff, I know, so without further ado, let’s get to it! There’s lots of stuff.

Life. I want to improve my grades at University. I want to manage my time better. I want to pass all of my exams. I want to study more seriously. I want to get into the design class. I want to learn how to communicate better. I want to find a stable job at Campus. I want to be financially independent from my Dad. I want to meet Onee-sama, in the flesh. I want to go to France again ♥ I want to do a fast/detox. I want to live 30 days as a fruitarian, and stay vegan the rest of the year.

Me. I want to lose weight. I want to become fit and toned. I want to be able to stop losing weight once I reach my goal. I want to start running again. I want to take care of the mess that’s my hair. I want to stop procrastinating. I want to learn how to be more kind towards myself. I want to laugh at least once a day. I want to stop crying all the time. I want to start a relationship. I want to get my mood swings sorted out. I want somebody to tell me that I look great, or that I’m a great person, and be able to believe them. I want to get my anxiety sorted out.

Creative. I want to start a blog for my writing (or rather, revamp the old one). I want to finish MCP! I want to do more commission work. I want to start a webcomic. I want to finish editing Cobalt Blue. I want to write more. I want to write a-certain-story, from start to finish, without starting over every other week. I want to finish one drawing a week! I want to do anatomy studies again. I want to make at least a small Visual Novel. I want to do something with Paper Hearts! I want to start another project with Onee-sama.

Wishlist. I want my Mom to get her life sorted out. I want to meet up with a-certain-friend more often. I want books. Vegan Doc Marten’s. I want to eat the pie in the sky. I want. I want. I want…

Prepare for trouble. AND MAKE IT DOUB-- -gets shot in the face-

Drawing is the most rewarding, as well as the most soul-crushing thing I‘ve ever done. But the soul-crushing part isn‘t (only) about my lack of skills, or the feeling of why-can‘t-I-get-this-damn-finger-right.
It‘s about style.

Every artist I‘ve known more personally has, at some point, struggled with their drawing style. They want to change the way they draw eyes, or the way they CG, or whatever else you can think of. And while I‘ve done all those things several times to some degree of success, my personal downfall is the amount realism in my drawings.

Some of you might have noticed that, since about april 2010, I‘ve struggled with feeling like I had to learn „proper realism“, until January of this year, when I decided that I was going to give up on Anime, and start studying realism from scratch. I stopped in early march, but by then, I had reached a point where I couldn‘t bring myself to draw anything.

What had happened?
Put simply, I‘d fallen into the trap of trying to force it.

People who liked my anime style were telling me that my drawings were too „realistic“. People at the forum where I started posting my realistic drawings told me they were very „anime“. I was confused, which way was it? Anime or Realism? It seemed like I couldn‘t do either one right, so I ended up doing nothing at all, and tried to go back to my familiar, „old“ style eventually.

But I couldn‘t; I didn‘t want to. And I realized something: It really doesn‘t matter.
I think it‘s pointless to try and „change your style“. Without a doubt you learn a lot by forcing yourself to do stuff different than you normally would, and you definitely should do that, but why does that have to mean you change your style? It should be possible to do several things, and be flexible enough to do what you like, when you like. Being in a hobby like drawing should ideally mean that you‘re creative and able to create wildly different things, so trying to draw in one single style seems stupid to me.

Now I understand that you‘d want your art to be recognizable, but if it‘s recognizable because it looks the same, then what‘s the point? Take Mucha. Everyone knows his art nouveau drawings with the clear, stylized lines, but he also did beautiful, life-like paintings of scenery and people, and was a designer. As long as you focus on improving your skill, style should come as an extra, not a requirement.

Sorry for rambling, but I‘m pretty sure there are a few people out there who feel the same way I did/do. Let‘s worry less, and draw more! XD

(Having said all that – if I‘m ever going to draw a comic, it‘s gonna be in the left style >=>)

I know, it's not a finished picture, BUT

Thanks to everyone who congratulated already. Makes me a proud blog-mommy! I didn’t have time to whip up something amazing in thirty minutes, so this will have to do. I’ll do a recap of what this blog has given me, the things I’ve done with it and the things I plan to do with it later this week ♥

And thank you so much for all the nice comments I’ve received over the course of those two years. I know I don’t have that many readers, but I love you all, and you’re awesome, and I don’t care at all if that sounds cheesy! I salute you for reading my confusing and sometimes sporadic posts.

I FINISHED COBALT BLUE YOU GUYS

Okay. Okay, I finished the first draft. But. You know what I mean. Now, time to let it sit for a month or so until revision.

I officially graduated last Friday, just going to pick up notarized copies of my certificate on Monday for uni applications. My life is a huge mess at the moment, but this blog is not the place to talk about it. If you want to know, ring me up, email me, if I’d tell you you probably have my contact data >=> Don’t worry though, I’ll be fine. Because I’m awesome -SHOT-

WIP. It will take a loong time before this gets finished though.

What can I say? Since Monday, I don’t have internet access at home anymore (long-story-don’t-ask). Part of my allowance will be going into netcafés now, BECAUSE I AM AN ADDICT because I have emails to respond to, people to stalk, and stuff.

If you’re wondering what the hell I’m doing without net access…studying. Mostly. And writing. And nothing much else because even looking at the now net-less computer makes me feel depressed. *SHOT* My finals are in less than two weeks, and I feel like I already know everything I need to know… I’m going to be extremely bored very soon.

By god, I’m going to be bored.

speedpaint I did in January

Everything’s going to hell right now, but I try to stay calm, orz. If you don’t hear from me anymore at one point, don’t worry, I’m fine >=>

I AM NOW ON VACATION AND THUS SHALL DRAW

Shishi with freckles is now canon, because freckles are hot. I’ll draw a less scary-looking, less rushed pic of her eventually. It will even have better anatomy, le choc! The above image is cut because the full size contains boobies and looks hideous. So there.

Expect daily posts while I’m on vacation. I might even update that writing blog nobody knows I have. My fingers are itching to write some short stories full of brainfuckery. I’m thinking of merging said writing blog any this one together…sounds like a good idea, y/n? Seeing as I’ve posted stories on here in the past… I’ll think about it.

Happy New Year, you crazy people ♥

2010 has been an awesome year, easily the best of my life! I hope to make 2011 even better >=> Do you have any new year’s  resolutions yet? => Mine are:

• Become a better artist and finally learn how to realism
• draw at least one page into my sketchbook every day
• write at least 250 words each day…that’s one page in a novel >=>
• Finish the first draft of CB and become a better writer along the way!
• Fix my horrible sleeping habits
• lose weight (a classic, I know 8D)
• ace my finals /shot
• get an internship at a design firm as an UI designer

I’ll have plenty of stuff to work on. So, I won’t be posting daily anymore…but I’ll post at least once a week, and you can follow my daily stuff (mostly studies and doodles for now) at my CA sketchbook.

Thanks to everyone who reads this blogs, leaves me comments etc! It’s been awesome >=> Onto 2011~

I can't seem to focus much today >=<

Today was a crazy and unsettling day, for reasons I don’t want to elaborate. Let’s just say that a girl from our year died today after a long struggle against cancer, and it was a pretty stressful environment, some classes had to be canceled, etc. The world is a cruel place.

I’m not terribly shaken, but it did make me think a lot today.

Those three books just arrived safely today ♥

All three are highly recommendable. If you get them at your bookstore, don’t hesitate, BUY THEM! >=<

• Andrew Loomis: Figure Drawing for all it’s worth (German edition here): Nothing to say about this one. I love Loomis. His approach is so easy to understand and lots of fun TvT [/fangirl]
• Jason Cheeseman-Meyer: Vanishing Point – Perspective for Comics from the Ground-Up: I only went through this one briefly, basically bought it because it was being recommended by lots of artists. It’s very good, especially in the way it talks about actually putting characters into your scene x,D
• George B. Bridgman: Contructive Anatomy: A classic. It was cheap, but very nice. I only flipped through it quickly as well, but already love it to pieces.

I have been waiting for those for quite a while now. So glad they finally arrived Oh yeah, I drew a Charlotte chibi yesterday, as requested D I will post it tomrrow with whomever I feel like doing next >=>